(While the original Power Rangers featured a delightfully diverse cast of teenagers tasked with saving the world through karate and interlocking dinosaur robots, HollyWEIRD never got around to adding an openly Christian member to the team. Surprise, surprise. Today, that oversight will be rectified.)

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Manatees, it’s time to answer the call of Biblical Manateehood.

As Christian manatees, Biblical manateehood starts and ends with the Bible’s definition of what it means to be a manatee. We must remember that throughout eternity, God predestined us manatees to take our place as the crown of the sea, humbling basking in the glory of our headship.  (more…)

I was 22 years old, and e-readers were just starting to move from novelty nerd gadget to an actual thing that normal people bought. I didn’t own one, but I wanted to, and said so to the girl I was dating at the time, who wrinkled her nose in disgust.

“I don’t think I could do it,” she said. “I would miss the feel of holding an actual book.” (more…)

When I was little, my dad taught me a trick to deal with insomnia.

We lived on a windswept acreage, with Nebraska cornfields unfurling from a thousand directions on all sides. I combed every inch of them, alone but for the companions I invented for myself in my head. By day, the amber, flecking wildness of everything around me rustled with motley invite. By night, it was quiet and lonesome. I would lie awake for hours.

My dad taught me a trick simple enough that has served me well whenever I’m in bed, unable to quite seal with the deal with sleep: methodically work your way up through your entire body, fine tuning its position for the most comfortable position. (more…)

How to explain Carman?

He’s either someone you’re very familiar with, or not at all. He is a perfectly passable singer, but he was far more interested in a sort of rhyming, spoken word, preach-rap that defies description. Whatever it was, it was hugely, deliriously popular among a certain demographic of Christianity—selling millions of albums back when people still did that sort of thing and setting a record for the most people to ever attend a Christian concert.

And yet, if Carman (if he has a last name, I’ve never heard it) will be remembered for one thing, it is absolutely his music videos. They are insane. (more…)

By now, I reckon everyone is mighty familiar with the right sad occurrences that transpired in the church of Friar Tuck roundabout last week. For those unacquainted with the goings-on or, as I would be none too surprised to learn, those who have swallowed the whole kaboodle of the media’s spin on the events, here’s what happened straight from the old horse’s mouth.  (more…)

Largely overlooked in Donald Trump’s nuclear-level comments disparaging Sen. John McCain’s war record was another, possibly more illuminating quote Trump gave at the same Iowa event. Moderator Frank Luntz asked Trump, a Presbyterian, a very simple question: “Have you ever asked God for forgiveness?”

The audience chuckled at the question—this was Trump after all—but to his uncharacteristic credit, he seemed to seriously consider with the question. Alas, that consideration resulted in the following response:

“I’m not sure that I have. I just go on and try to do a better job from there. I don’t think so. I think if I do something wrong, I think, I just try and make it right. I don’t bring God into that picture. I don’t.” (more…)

Since Tyler Huckabee is too busy to do anything this week, tylerhuckabee.com invited Matt Walsh over to liveblog an episode of House of Cards. This is a satire.

I’m not normally one for watching Netflix or any television, or any media at all, because I am not interested in opening my home up to a constant spew of violence, misinformation, liberal spin and glorification of American depravity in which every moment of national insanity is hailed as what passes for “progress” in this lunatic age, but House of Cards intrigues me.

The name seems to imply that the White House has grown so vapid and brittle from its constant cowing to foreign interests and the incessant mewing of our Commander in Chief that the slightest gust of reason could topple it. This is an interesting idea, but it does not go far enough. In truth, our entire country is a house of cards, a rickety lean-to built by feminist-y, gun-paranoid, precious snowflakes who whine about their feelings and microaggressions with every card they haphazardly slam into place, shutting their ears against any whisper of sensibility. (more…)

Let’s begin with the beginning.

God, having crafted a good world and a very good man to till it, declares that it is “not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

A lot of energy has been expended on that word, helper. On the face of it, it sets up a nice little proof text for straight marriage. A man is alone, so God makes a woman and, thus, a cosmic balance is achieved. Let never humanity tip it asunder.

But the more interesting word in “it is not good for the man to be alone” is the word alone. Eve isn’t spun into existence for her uterus—the “child bearing hips” modern society imagines all ancient cultures reduced women to—but for love. It is not good for man to be alone. (more…)